don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
