just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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