I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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