Everything about him screamed your future.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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