he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
