Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
