I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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