Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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