nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just come out here and I will go home with you...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
