i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
