If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
