one might say we're banned from that church
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
