Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
