She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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