i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
