Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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