i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize