i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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