Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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