i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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