Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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