Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
