Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize