Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
