The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
