that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
