the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
