remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
