please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
