You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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