dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
