apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
