This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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