This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
