I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
