Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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