true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
