Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
