When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
