mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize