This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
