My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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