She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
