Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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