in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
