I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
