what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
