and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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