Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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