i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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