i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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