just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
