Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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