honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
