i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
