He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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