Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
