MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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