I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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