How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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