she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
