i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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