I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
