This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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