We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
