Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
