I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
