4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
