everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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