I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize