So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
