I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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