Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
